I have cancer. I know--that is the point of this blog, and as I was diagnosed in November, you'd think it would be done sinking in, but sometimes the thought just hits me. I see an advertisement for the Avon Walk or something, and it hits me--I am one of those people. I am a person they are raising money for. I am a statistic. The last few months it has been kind of easy to forget I had cancer. I know that sounds CRAZY. But, life on chemo has become the norm. I have gotten used to my 3 week cycle, the side effects, and the side effects of the drugs to counteract the side effects! Its not like you can "feel" cancer. Well, certainly not in my case. As I have no lump/tumor, there is nothing there. Sometimes I have some pain in my breast, but you can get that when you are pregnant--which I am. So, often I wonder what symptoms are caused by the cancer/chemo and which are by the baby. As I have said before, life doesn't stop just because you have cancer. I am just MORE busy now. I am still working, still a mom, still a wife, etc. Its easy to get wrapped up in everything else and forget. Then, you get a reminder (like seeing your bald head), and it hits you. Life is definitely not normal right now. Its anything but.
What's interesting to me--and I am not sure if it is optimism, a sign of me being crazy, or a divine understanding of my future--but I have never once, not for one second, thought this will kill me. I find that odd. I hear stories of those who die from breast cancer, and it catches me off guard. It sort of reminds me that this can be fatal. For a split second I'll consider that possibility, but then I'm back on the fact that this is just a bump (albeit a HUGE bump) in the road. You also meet women who had breast cancer 20 or 30 years ago. And considering how far they have come in treatment since then, it is very reassuring to meet them.
My hospital, Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington, provides all kinds of services. One of those services is support groups for different health issues. Friday I had the opportunity to go to a support group for women with breast cancer and young children. It is a unique experience to go through cancer treatment and have little ones to chase at home. It was really helpful. There were women who had finished treatment in the last year or so and those like me who were in the middle or just starting. Granted, I was the only pregnant one. They all decided my situation made them feel better about their situations. :) Glad I could help.
It was nice to talk to those who had finished. There children are a bit older now, and remember nothing. One woman had a child who was a bit older when she went through treatment, about 5 to 6. All he remembers is "that time you had no hair." Though I logically know Biny won't remember this time, its reassuring to hear it again nonetheless. That same woman had a re-occurrence in her bones (the most common place breast cancer metastasizes to) and had to have the bone cut out and a steel pole put in her thigh. Even though her children are now older, about 6 and 9, to them it is just the time she couldn't play soccer with them. I love kids.
One really unfortunate thing that has happened in the last week is my son and husband shared a cold. I am truly blessed I have missed out on most of the bugs going around this winter. There have been some HORRIBLE viruses. And, as you can imagine, when your immune system is depressed, you get the worst version of the cold. This week, I have only felt like I have a HORRIBLE cold; again forgetting I have cancer. Hopefully I am on the upswing from this whole cold and I will be better by my next round of chemo. On March 11th I have my 6th round of chemo. There had been a possibility that there would be only 5, but baby and I are doing so well he gets to keep cooking until 36 weeks. This means I get number 6. Then, end of March I will be a mom of "kids" not "kid." Weird. What a crazy time to have a baby. Not ideal, but I know this little guy will be a champion. He has already accomplished so much, and he is not even born. He saved my life--and now battles toxins and keeps on growing. My personal super hero.
What's interesting to me--and I am not sure if it is optimism, a sign of me being crazy, or a divine understanding of my future--but I have never once, not for one second, thought this will kill me. I find that odd. I hear stories of those who die from breast cancer, and it catches me off guard. It sort of reminds me that this can be fatal. For a split second I'll consider that possibility, but then I'm back on the fact that this is just a bump (albeit a HUGE bump) in the road. You also meet women who had breast cancer 20 or 30 years ago. And considering how far they have come in treatment since then, it is very reassuring to meet them.
My hospital, Virginia Hospital Center in Arlington, provides all kinds of services. One of those services is support groups for different health issues. Friday I had the opportunity to go to a support group for women with breast cancer and young children. It is a unique experience to go through cancer treatment and have little ones to chase at home. It was really helpful. There were women who had finished treatment in the last year or so and those like me who were in the middle or just starting. Granted, I was the only pregnant one. They all decided my situation made them feel better about their situations. :) Glad I could help.
It was nice to talk to those who had finished. There children are a bit older now, and remember nothing. One woman had a child who was a bit older when she went through treatment, about 5 to 6. All he remembers is "that time you had no hair." Though I logically know Biny won't remember this time, its reassuring to hear it again nonetheless. That same woman had a re-occurrence in her bones (the most common place breast cancer metastasizes to) and had to have the bone cut out and a steel pole put in her thigh. Even though her children are now older, about 6 and 9, to them it is just the time she couldn't play soccer with them. I love kids.
One really unfortunate thing that has happened in the last week is my son and husband shared a cold. I am truly blessed I have missed out on most of the bugs going around this winter. There have been some HORRIBLE viruses. And, as you can imagine, when your immune system is depressed, you get the worst version of the cold. This week, I have only felt like I have a HORRIBLE cold; again forgetting I have cancer. Hopefully I am on the upswing from this whole cold and I will be better by my next round of chemo. On March 11th I have my 6th round of chemo. There had been a possibility that there would be only 5, but baby and I are doing so well he gets to keep cooking until 36 weeks. This means I get number 6. Then, end of March I will be a mom of "kids" not "kid." Weird. What a crazy time to have a baby. Not ideal, but I know this little guy will be a champion. He has already accomplished so much, and he is not even born. He saved my life--and now battles toxins and keeps on growing. My personal super hero.
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