I am sorry I have been absent. Chemo's 3 and 4 have come and gone. Though that sentence is short and sweet, they were not. I am now sitting in the infusion center getting the beginning of chemo number 5.
I am not sure if it is my cute little parasite or the fact that they were chemo's 3 and 4, but these rounds of chemo were much worse. I was much more tired AND it took much longer to bounce back. I am assuming it will get little bit worse each time--me being a bit more worn out. On a positive note, my wee little parasite is growing like a champ. This is probably why I am so tired--he is sucking me dry. But, he is right on target. The main concern for the baby of a woman on chemotherapy is what is called IUGR--a common acronym in my world of nutrition and international health, but unless you've had a baby with complications or work with infants--I'm guessing it is new. It stands for IntraUterine Growth Restriction. And, exactly as it says, it means the baby for some reason had slowed growth while in the mom. This can be caused by the mom having a disease/sickness, poor diet, drugs, or a number of issues that the baby it self can have. I won't bore you with a rambling post on why this is KEY in my world, sufficient to say IUGR is a major contributor to stunting and can have major implications on the survival of a newborn, short term and long term health of the child. In my case, if my son does have IUGR--he will catch up VERY quickly. In the cases of IUGR I work with, often there are more issues after delivery that continue to hamper growth leading to those short and long term complications. My son is blessed to already have his own doctor, my neonatologist, following his every move. He will be delivered in a hospital ranked in the top 100 in the United States, and will have the benefit of time in a NICU to address any issue, if any. All that said--he has YET to show any signs of IUGR. He is champ. Maybe that should be his name?!?! Possibly this is why I am so tired--chemo is draining me and he has no qualms sucking out what he needs. :) Not that I would want him too.
I mentioned in an earlier post that as I am young with breast cancer, they recommend genetic testing. I was enrolled in a genetic study being carried out by a lab in Salt Lake City, Utah, my old stomping grounds. They tested for 26 different genes. The genes you've most likely heard of are BRCA1 and BRCA2. If you are found to have a mutation on this gene, you have an 87% of breast cancer. Angelina Jolie is positive for a mutation on these genes, and that is why she (along with many other women in her shoes) chose to have a double mastectomy PRIOR to having cancer. With 87% it's not if, its when. It also drastically increases your risk for ovarian cancer. My oncologist told me if I was positive for this gene, i'd need to get my ovaries out within the next 2 years. A lot to process. Thankfully, I am negative for a mutation on these two genes. This is great news, not just for me but for my sisters and my nieces. My siblings would have a 50% chance of carrying this gene and my nieces a 25% chance. I am however positive for a gene called CHK2. I don't know much about it. It is far less studied then BRCA1/2. It increases your risk of breast cancer, but not nearly as high. It is also NOT correlated with ovarian cancer, so I get to keep them. :) I will be followed probably the rest of my life, gathering info on my health so they can learn more about CHK2 from me.
On other topics, I must say I hate wearing a mask. Until I know my white blood cells (immune system) have rebounded, I wear a mask when in public. It makes me feel insanely claustrophobic. I hate breathing hot air. After about 15 minutes or so, I get used to it and then it actually makes me laugh a little. When I cough, sneeze, or yawn I still put my hand up to my mouth. When I see people, I still smile, as if they can see it. Its such a habit. I've gone out to eat a few times. After the food comes, I forget the mask is on and try to eat or drink. I forget I am wearing it AND a scarf on my head so, pretty much all you can see are my eyes. Sometimes children will be staring and it will take me a second to realize why. I was at Ikea in the check out line. A man was behind me with his two children--a son about 6 and a daughter about 4. The son, loudly of course, asked his father, "Why does she wear that on her face?" Thankfully they couldn't see me chuckling under the mask.
"Shhhhh, come here, shhhh, come here," is all I heard then whispering with a few words like "sick" coming through. I felt bad for the Dad. I debated turning around and just talking to the kids myself, letting the Dad know I didn't care. But I decided that might make him feel worse--so I continued to chuckle to myself. I love kids and their honesty.
Something I was warned about is that I would be cold all the time, especially as its winter. That I would wear a scarf even at home b/c my hair had kept me a lot warmer then I realized. I assumed this was true, but its NOT EVEN close. I think this has more to do with being pregnant while bald/on chemo. My head gets hot and when I get home the LAST thing I want is something on my head. I'd take it off more in public if it didn't freak people out--plus, its not like I look like Natalie Portman. It's a scary sight. I have come to appreciate being bald. I enjoy not having to think about my hair, at all! I don't need to make sure i have a hair band to tie it up, don't need to brush, and my least favorite thing, I don't need to wash it!! Its actually nice. And, i LOVE having the water on my head in the shower. It was weird the first time, but now I love it. With my long hair I didn't get it wet every time I showered, so my head stayed dry. I'll kind of miss that when I have hair again. I also forget that I am bald--all the time--and when at home, answer the door. I have down right scared people. We ordered pizza one night and I answered the door, that man's jaw dropped to the floor so fast I think it was bruised. Oops. I have walked out the door without putting on a scarf/hat NUMEROUS times. Thankfully i usually remember pretty quickly and return, but it kind of cracks me up.
I am now 30 weeks pregnant. The little guy is kicking and dancing pretty much non-stop. I wonder if he is having a party or staging a protest against all the crap going into my body. I hope he is happy. In the coming weeks 5 of my doctors will meet to discuss when is the best time for me to be induced. The goal is 36 weeks, but if my treatment needs to be sped up or the baby shows signs of stress--it could be earlier. If we are able to wait until 36 weeks, I will have to have a 6th round of chemo during my pregnancy. I was hoping this 5th one would be my last---but . . . not looking like it. It is good if we can keep him in the oven longer. He probably won't even need any NICU time.
I am working on a post on breastfeeding. It is a topic that is very important to me, so I am having trouble getting my thoughts into a coherent post--but it should be finished soon.
More later . . . .
I am not sure if it is my cute little parasite or the fact that they were chemo's 3 and 4, but these rounds of chemo were much worse. I was much more tired AND it took much longer to bounce back. I am assuming it will get little bit worse each time--me being a bit more worn out. On a positive note, my wee little parasite is growing like a champ. This is probably why I am so tired--he is sucking me dry. But, he is right on target. The main concern for the baby of a woman on chemotherapy is what is called IUGR--a common acronym in my world of nutrition and international health, but unless you've had a baby with complications or work with infants--I'm guessing it is new. It stands for IntraUterine Growth Restriction. And, exactly as it says, it means the baby for some reason had slowed growth while in the mom. This can be caused by the mom having a disease/sickness, poor diet, drugs, or a number of issues that the baby it self can have. I won't bore you with a rambling post on why this is KEY in my world, sufficient to say IUGR is a major contributor to stunting and can have major implications on the survival of a newborn, short term and long term health of the child. In my case, if my son does have IUGR--he will catch up VERY quickly. In the cases of IUGR I work with, often there are more issues after delivery that continue to hamper growth leading to those short and long term complications. My son is blessed to already have his own doctor, my neonatologist, following his every move. He will be delivered in a hospital ranked in the top 100 in the United States, and will have the benefit of time in a NICU to address any issue, if any. All that said--he has YET to show any signs of IUGR. He is champ. Maybe that should be his name?!?! Possibly this is why I am so tired--chemo is draining me and he has no qualms sucking out what he needs. :) Not that I would want him too.
I mentioned in an earlier post that as I am young with breast cancer, they recommend genetic testing. I was enrolled in a genetic study being carried out by a lab in Salt Lake City, Utah, my old stomping grounds. They tested for 26 different genes. The genes you've most likely heard of are BRCA1 and BRCA2. If you are found to have a mutation on this gene, you have an 87% of breast cancer. Angelina Jolie is positive for a mutation on these genes, and that is why she (along with many other women in her shoes) chose to have a double mastectomy PRIOR to having cancer. With 87% it's not if, its when. It also drastically increases your risk for ovarian cancer. My oncologist told me if I was positive for this gene, i'd need to get my ovaries out within the next 2 years. A lot to process. Thankfully, I am negative for a mutation on these two genes. This is great news, not just for me but for my sisters and my nieces. My siblings would have a 50% chance of carrying this gene and my nieces a 25% chance. I am however positive for a gene called CHK2. I don't know much about it. It is far less studied then BRCA1/2. It increases your risk of breast cancer, but not nearly as high. It is also NOT correlated with ovarian cancer, so I get to keep them. :) I will be followed probably the rest of my life, gathering info on my health so they can learn more about CHK2 from me.
On other topics, I must say I hate wearing a mask. Until I know my white blood cells (immune system) have rebounded, I wear a mask when in public. It makes me feel insanely claustrophobic. I hate breathing hot air. After about 15 minutes or so, I get used to it and then it actually makes me laugh a little. When I cough, sneeze, or yawn I still put my hand up to my mouth. When I see people, I still smile, as if they can see it. Its such a habit. I've gone out to eat a few times. After the food comes, I forget the mask is on and try to eat or drink. I forget I am wearing it AND a scarf on my head so, pretty much all you can see are my eyes. Sometimes children will be staring and it will take me a second to realize why. I was at Ikea in the check out line. A man was behind me with his two children--a son about 6 and a daughter about 4. The son, loudly of course, asked his father, "Why does she wear that on her face?" Thankfully they couldn't see me chuckling under the mask.
"Shhhhh, come here, shhhh, come here," is all I heard then whispering with a few words like "sick" coming through. I felt bad for the Dad. I debated turning around and just talking to the kids myself, letting the Dad know I didn't care. But I decided that might make him feel worse--so I continued to chuckle to myself. I love kids and their honesty.
Something I was warned about is that I would be cold all the time, especially as its winter. That I would wear a scarf even at home b/c my hair had kept me a lot warmer then I realized. I assumed this was true, but its NOT EVEN close. I think this has more to do with being pregnant while bald/on chemo. My head gets hot and when I get home the LAST thing I want is something on my head. I'd take it off more in public if it didn't freak people out--plus, its not like I look like Natalie Portman. It's a scary sight. I have come to appreciate being bald. I enjoy not having to think about my hair, at all! I don't need to make sure i have a hair band to tie it up, don't need to brush, and my least favorite thing, I don't need to wash it!! Its actually nice. And, i LOVE having the water on my head in the shower. It was weird the first time, but now I love it. With my long hair I didn't get it wet every time I showered, so my head stayed dry. I'll kind of miss that when I have hair again. I also forget that I am bald--all the time--and when at home, answer the door. I have down right scared people. We ordered pizza one night and I answered the door, that man's jaw dropped to the floor so fast I think it was bruised. Oops. I have walked out the door without putting on a scarf/hat NUMEROUS times. Thankfully i usually remember pretty quickly and return, but it kind of cracks me up.
I am now 30 weeks pregnant. The little guy is kicking and dancing pretty much non-stop. I wonder if he is having a party or staging a protest against all the crap going into my body. I hope he is happy. In the coming weeks 5 of my doctors will meet to discuss when is the best time for me to be induced. The goal is 36 weeks, but if my treatment needs to be sped up or the baby shows signs of stress--it could be earlier. If we are able to wait until 36 weeks, I will have to have a 6th round of chemo during my pregnancy. I was hoping this 5th one would be my last---but . . . not looking like it. It is good if we can keep him in the oven longer. He probably won't even need any NICU time.
I am working on a post on breastfeeding. It is a topic that is very important to me, so I am having trouble getting my thoughts into a coherent post--but it should be finished soon.
More later . . . .
